The Number 2 Sandwich in America

Arianna Huffington was walking the streets of some city late in the fall of 2012. Wherever she was, it was getting cold and she was ravenous for some food. She knew she had an article to write on the best sandwiches by the end of the year. All the sandwiches that had graced her palate in the year of 2012 had been mediocre. 2012 was known to many as an alright year. She came across a little sandwich place ran by Tyler Kord and she stopped in. Now we all know that Arianna is a big Cauliflower fan. She almost turned the Huffington Post into a cauliflower fan zine, but decided to go with biased news, instead. She ate this sandwich and loved it so much, she decided to make it her #2 sandwich of the year. Today we’re talking about The #2 Best Sandwich in America in 2012 According to the Huffington Post from Mr. Kord’s beautiful book.

The #2 Best Sandwich in America

The Sandwich

Now, I told you all to find out if I was a robot in the last blog post that I wrote about eating vegetables instead of meat. I’m still serious about that, but I made another no meat sandwich. I’m having a hard time coping with the new person that I have become. I want to be a better person. To feel better, but at the same time, is giving up on my personality worth it? Do I have to apologize to all my vegetarian friends now for the ass that I have been about meat’s superiority? I’m just not sure anymore. Regardless, I made this cauliflower sandwich and I liked it. Please, someone check to make sure my evil twin has not escaped prison.

The #2 Best Sandwich in America has cauliflower on it.
Look at all that not meat.

The redeeming part of this sandwich bringing it back to an unhealthy level, which helps me maintain a shred of my personality, is the potato chips. Putting potato chips on a sandwich has been around since a prank played by a Lay’s employee on the Earl of Sandwich back in 1524. He put the potato chips on the sandwich, knowing the earl would be surprised by the crunch. Little did he know that he would start a craze that would go well into 2020. He also didn’t know that he would be executed for it, but the Earl hates pranks.

Lastly, this sandwich has sauce on it. I’ve met people who are afraid of sauces. I know not what this must feel like, because if a sandwich, or anything really, is dripping in sauce, I am a happy person. I put so much ketchup and mustard on my hot dogs that I can’t taste the fake pork. Chips are really just a vehicle for salsa or French onion dip for me. I just can’t get enough sauce. I imagine that I could go on a purge and switch to a purely liquid diet and I would find that the only liquids I would drink would be sauces, which sounds both disgusting and slightly like my next diet that I hang onto for 5 days before giving up.

Preparation

Like almost every sauce in this book, Tyler refuses to let me just buy it. He slaps my hand with the words on the pages when I look to take the easy way out. So, naturally, I had to make a smoked French dressing for this sandwich. He wants you to smoke the ketchup, but states that liquid smoke is fine too, so I went with that. The less chance I have to burn down my house, the better. The sauce had about 75 ingredients that culminated in this orangey goop that tasted so good, I want to make it again. It also had enough oil to clog my arteries twice, so you know it was tasty as hell.

The #2 Sandwich in America has the best sauce.
That sauce is really doing it for me here.

Next up was roasting the cauliflower. I love when my veggies get taken from their beautiful raw state and burnt to a crispy-edged-slightly-browner veggie. They just taste better. I’m not sure if it’s because it takes away all the healthy parts or if I just enjoy burning things, but I will almost always eat a vegetable if there is no more raw in it and only cooked. Once I finished roasting my vegetable, I got to heat up my buns. I left the oven where it was at, because of efficiency/laziness.

Lastly, Tyler, being his demanding self, told me I had to make my own potato chips. It felt like I was back in 1524 with the head of the Lay’s company and the Earl. I didn’t have time for this, not with the new technology of bags of chips at grocery store, so I went with that, instead. Likely, we could just rename this blog to “How can Davis do the Least Amount of Work Possible to Make Something,” but that wouldn’t sound as nice.

My Feelings

Please, for the love of god, someone slap me and wake me up. I have now made two absolutely delicious sandwiches and both of them had as much meat as a salad bar that forgot to put out its bacon bits. I had a really good time making this sandwich. I have found a love for sauce and making it. I want to know all these sauces that Tyler has in his book and I want to make each of them. Then I will drown myself in the pure ecstasy of flavor. I would recommend this sandwich to anybody, even my carnivore friends.

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