The Alf Sandwich

For four years an alien was in our lives. Well, not my life, this was before my time, but he still adorned our TV sets, regardless of whether I remember it, or not. This puppet of a creature would steal our hearts and show us what made family so great in each primetime episode. If you’re thinking of Mork from Mork and Mindy, you would be wrong, but only because Robin Williams wasn’t a puppet, or so I’m told. No, I’m talking about Alf. That was the name of the alien, the TV show he was from, and the sandwich I made this week from A Super Upsetting Cookbook about Sandwiches.

The Sandwich: The Alf

Despite what Alf would eat in the TV show, this sandwich had no cats in it. Which is good, because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal and also that would taste bad. The sandwich did, however, contain bread, a mayo creation Tyler called roasted tomato mayo, garlic, and asparagus. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Davis, where’s the meat?” Now calm down, Arby’s lady from the commercial, I’m going to tell you something. There is no meat in this sandwich. We’ll get to that later, but I’m just as surprised as you are. Even more surprised that I chose to make it. I’m the grandson of a butcher for Pete’s sake.

The Alf, the TV show, not the sandwich
Geez! people actually watched Alf?

So, I did my best hippy impersonation and I went forward with making The Alf. One thing that gets tricky in Mr. Kord’s book is the recipes flipping. Each recipe requires you to turn the pages at least two times. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not made of muscle. Turning all these pages can cause strain and if at any time while making these sandwiches I experience a bad enough strain, well Tyler, you better just watch out for my lawyers.

Making The Alf

Despite all the world against me at this point, I went forward with making the sandwich. The first part of the sandwich that required my attention was the Roasted Tomato Mayo. Now, Tyler doesn’t want you just going to the store and combining Hellman’s mayo with some ketchup. He wants you to roast the vegetables yourself. So I did, because despite my tirade about lawyers earlier, I still want Mr. Kord to like me (please). I have never roasted vegetables like this in an oven. One has to turn the oven to hellish level and throw the vegetables in once the pan is searing hot.

Roasted vegetables.
These aren’t my roasted vegetables. You can tell because they look nice.

After I’ve cleansed my vegetables of their rawness, I put it all together with some mayo and vinegar. If there is one thing that I should be known for, it’s for having way too much vinegar in my life. I can’t get enough of this old wine condiment. I put it on fries, chips, and now in my mayo. The roasted tomato mayo was done, now I just had to throw the asparagus in the oven to roast while I pan fried garlic and toasted the split-top hot dog buns. Tyler wanted me to deep fry the garlic, but I almost burnt my house down trying to make fried chicken last year, so I just stuck with pan frying instead. As for the buns, I toasted them with more butter than necessary, but I like to live life on the edge.

Finally, it was all put together. I made this for my fiancé Hannah and her mother. They loved it. The flavors worked well together. The asparagus was the perfect vehicle for the fried garlic and the roasted tomato mayo. The toasted and almost soggy buns from all the butter worked great. I went with King’s Hawaiian, because I went to Hawaii once on a high school orchestra trip, so it just felt right. It all went together just great. Way to go Tyler, you made a great recipe.

My Feelings

Alright, if I ever say this next part again, I need each of you to have a secret that only you and I know to ask me, because I have probably been taken over by either an alien, a robot, or my evil twin. I have a full beard, so it’s hard to tell my evil twin apart, since we both have mustaches. The thing I’m never going to say again is this. The lack of meat on this sandwich made it better. Holy crap, the room is spinning. The asparagus flavors mixed with the mayo and the garlic turned out really nicely and I’m not sure any meat would have worked as well. Let’s end this paragraph now, because I’m starting to get upset.

Here’s an artsy picture I took of The Alf. I’m proud of the sandwich I made.

I had a really good time with this sandwich and making it was even more fun. I have never been a great cook. I love to eat the food, but I get impatient when I have to make it. For that reason, I have never put time into my cooking. This is going to change with this blog and as I get better and better at it. I surprised myself by not burning our house down. By creating something that everyone liked. And by enjoying it the whole way. I now fully understand the movie Chef with Jon Favreau, except for the part where the only women he could get to like him were Sofia Vergara and Scarlett Johansson. Still confused by that part.

Ending Thoughts

Cooking is fun. Eating is even more fun, but I’m starting to like it and The Alf helped me in this endeavor. I hope that Tyler’s recipes all taste this good, because then we are in for a treat. As for the alien puppet, I think his name may be forgotten if this asparagus sandwich finds its way to a Jimmy John’s or Subway, because then more people will hear about it and Alf the TV show is over thirty years old at this point. With Story Sandwiches, I’m Davis.

One thought on “The Alf Sandwich

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